I'm a just a girl in the world, 17 in a couple of months. Do you see what I did there with the title?

''Now the music divides
Us into tribes
You choose your side
I'll choose my side''
- Arcade Fire, 'Suburban War'

Does it have to?

Follow if you just came back from Paris where you unwillingly witnessed no less than 3 penises

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Don’t give me that look, Stanley Tucci! (and don’t attempt to muster some form of  contempt, eh, spuriously soft-focused Cher?) I know - I saw ‘Burlesque’, in the unquestionable words of the AV Club, on purpose But seriously - wow. This whole movie is a ball of wow. A veritable hot mess, emphasis on the ‘hot’ - Cam Giggity Giggity’s* sparkly, guylined eyes can deliver hideously cheesy romantic lines to my suspiciously busty Christina Aguilera** any day o’ the week - and emphasis on the ‘mess’ - at one point Kristen Bell genuinely said, ”I’m NOT going to be upstaged by some SLUT with MUTANT LUNGS” !!!! *The photogs on his IMDB make him look extremely douchey. Look at *this* instead. You’re welcome **Or, as the ridiculously PhotoShopped (really, Cher? We both know you’re not quite that pillowy smooth) poster reads, ‘CHRISTINA’. Come now Christina AGUILERA. You’re not quite big enough to enter the CHER and MADONNA and SEAL and, ah, SINBAD category. Although your newly inflated ta-tas are :)

Don’t give me that look, Stanley Tucci! (and don’t attempt to muster some form of  contempt, eh, spuriously soft-focused Cher?) I know - I saw ‘Burlesque’, in the unquestionable words of the AV Club, on purpose

But seriously - wow. This whole movie is a ball of wow. A veritable hot mess, emphasis on the ‘hot’ - Cam Giggity Giggity’s* sparkly, guylined eyes can deliver hideously cheesy romantic lines to my suspiciously busty Christina Aguilera** any day o’ the week - and emphasis on the ‘mess’ - at one point Kristen Bell genuinely said, ”I’m NOT going to be upstaged by some SLUT with MUTANT LUNGS”

!!!!

*The photogs on his IMDB make him look extremely douchey. Look at *this* instead. You’re welcome

**Or, as the ridiculously PhotoShopped (really, Cher? We both know you’re not quite that pillowy smooth) poster reads, ‘CHRISTINA’. Come now Christina AGUILERA. You’re not quite big enough to enter the CHER and MADONNA and SEAL and, ah, SINBAD category. Although your newly inflated ta-tas are :)


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